Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Wednesday Wow Factor!

Week 95
Start date: 12/28/11
Initial weight: 220
Current weight: 200 (15 pounds lost since 8/26/13, taking a break from the scale)
Total weight loss: 20 pounds

Last week's dream focus: Attend my second 'Party in Pink' Zumbathon on Saturday; be super patient with my progress and enjoy the journey; HUSTLE my buns off to pursue my dreams; seek God in all things I'm doing; ignore the Devil's lies and deceit; keep viewing food as fuel and sharing my story with others; and KEEP INSPIRING MYSELF AND OTHERS!!!

What went well: Thanks to God's presence in my life, I've been able to keep a really upbeat, positive attitude despite a great deal of struggle this week.  In the past, I would have caved in and ran to any and every kind of food to comfort me, only to be left feeling worse than before and stuffed with food I didn't need or truly want in my body.  

I truly believe God placed Plexus in my life not only for every day challenges, but for times like this.  The way it regulates my blood sugar levels really helps my emotional eating to stay under control!  Only once this week did I feel tempted to run to food, but the desire went away quickly and I was able to rationalize what was going on.  I no longer wanted to eat once I saw the situation for what it really was... a heart issue, not a hunger issue.  

Challenges:  I wasn't able to attend the second ‘Party in Pink’ because I was really struggling with pain from what I initially thought was endometriosis.  I soon discovered I was enduring my 5th miscarriage.  I don't understand why some people have to face certain challenges while others face different ones, but I trust God!  

During the first few miscarriages, I felt anger, frustration, jealousy, envy, pity, deep sadness, and confusion.  These are all feelings I still struggle with, but I'm now at a place where I'm accepting that maybe this dream wasn't meant for me, for reasons God understands, reasons I'll one day know... or maybe I'll never know.  I've arrived at a place where I'm open and willing to endure the heartache and pain if it means I can help other women and families deal with similar situations.  

My dream is not to go through fertility treatments.  My dream is not to adopt.  My dream is not to foster.  My dream is not to have a surrogate.  My dream has been to get pregnant naturally and carry a healthy baby that's part of me and my husband.  If my body can't handle this, if my body can't accommodate it, if the outcome would be more than I can take, I'm at peace with that.  I can accept it.  This doesn't mean I won't grieve the loss of the dream if it doesn't come true and it doesn't mean I won't find myself faced with those feelings I described above.  It does mean I'd rather have what God wants for me because really great things are in store!

God has blessed me with an amazing bonus son!  Although he's not from my bloodline, I love him beyond words!  I get to fulfill motherly instincts and desires... and God has blessed my relationship with his real mom.  It works out better than most blended families and I couldn't be happier!  I don't know what's ahead, but I'm trusting.

This week's dream focus: Seek God’s voice in everything; stay focused on my blessings my dreams; fight Satan’s attempts to lead me back to a place of victim mentality and depression; be super patient with my progress and enjoy the journey; HUSTLE my buns off to pursue my dreams; ignore the Devil's lies and deceit; keep sharing my story with others; and continue inspiring myself and others!!!

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