Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Open and Willing

I dream big.  I dream with my whole heart.  I see how amazing things could be and I try hard to get there some day.  I try to be patient and wait on God's timing.  And although I know God placed all these dreams in my heart, I know not every one of them can or will come true.  Dreams evolve and change and sometimes we find ourselves laying certain dreams to rest.  In those times there's a grieving and healing process we must go through.

I'm not certain where I fall right now with the dream I've held onto longer than any in my life, but God isn't done and He can work miracles.  He prepares our hearts for things to come.  He molds us to be open and willing to use our stories to inspire and help others.  Although I'm still not sure what's in store, I feel as though I'm in preparation mode.

Infertility is awful.  

If you've ever struggled to fulfill the strongest desire in your heart, yet nothing YOU can do will change the outcome, you'll find it easy to relate.  I don't want to be defined by my infertility struggles.  My life is so much more than that.  I've been through a lot more than I ever expected to go through, but so many people have been through much, much worse than me... and I feel so blessed to have this life!  

I find myself at a place of uncertainty today and I struggle to find my usual fun, uplifting words.  But when I arrive at this place, it's always worked in my best interest to pray, so that what I'll do...

"God, I am open and willing to be a vessel for You, to help anyone who's struggled with infertility, multiple miscarriages, endometriosis, PCOS, surgeries, divorce, financial distress, re-marriage, step-parenting, blended families, loss of job, loss of identity, emotional abuse, a health crisis, weight struggles, depression, anxiety, or the ability to dream.  You've brought me through all these things and more, and I'm blessed beyond measure!  My life is in Your hands. You know what's best for me, for my future, and for the sake of helping others.  I don't know what's next, but You do.  I trust You, God.  

Please heal my hurting, breaking heart, and wrap Your loving arms around me as I struggle to understand the whys.  Help me to be strong for those who need me and send those I need to help me through this.  Please send peace and comfort to those reading this who are hurting, too.  Pour Your love and mercies on them today and help them see that this is not the end, that great things are in store if they just believe in Your plan.  It's in Your name I pray, amen."

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