Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Coming Clean

Setbacks happen, delays occur, and progress can be slow.  We decide how we'll respond to every situation every day.  We make choices and we have to live with the results.  Sometimes we make ourselves proud and other times we'd like a do-over.

I'd like a do-over.

In March, I was making so much progress on the journey to my dreams.  I received my licence to teach Zumba, I'd lost 30 pounds - again, I purged my closet of my "big girl clothes" and replaced them with skinny jeans, and I was pursuing my dream job.  Then, the pain began again.  It didn't let up for 12 weeks and prompted another surgery. Recovery followed surgery, and getting back on track has proven to be more difficult than I ever anticipated.  I really thought it would be easier after my second surgery in a year.

Unfortunately, I've let myself down these past few weeks.  I haven't made good decisions and those poor choices have added up.  I've started gaining weight, my "skinny" clothes aren't fitting well, and the pants I bought to "get me by" are now feeling snug.  I haven't been exercising, I've been eating whatever and whenever I want, and I've been feeding myself old lies like "this one time won't matter" and "I can get back on track tomorrow".  

But every time matters.  And I don't have to wait until tomorrow... I can get back on track this very second.  

I've made a lot of mistakes these past several months.  I wish I would have made different decisions, but I didn't.  What's done is done. 

I don't like that I allowed my old habits to take over and let Satan get me off track.  But I do love that I haven't given up.  I haven't drowned.  I haven't ruined everything.  And I love that Satan isn't in control of my life!  I decide if I allow him to win or if I open my heart to all God has in store for me!  I decide if I want my life to be fruitful or full of despair.  I decide if I will be a victim or an overcomer.  I decide if my dreams are important enough to continue fighting for.  I decide if my story will be inspirational or depressing.  I decide.

And Satan, I've decided you will NOT stop me.