Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Dirty Laundry Day

I'd like to apologize for not posting yesterday as I said I would.  I was so busy catching up with life and time seemed to slip away.  I hope you can forgive me!  

Today, life is pretty much back to normal for me.  I'm feeling really good with minimal pain and have been able to stay at work all day without struggling!  I'll admit, I didn't expect to recover this fast, based solely on my recovery experience last August.  This time around it was so much better!  When I looked back and realized the impact those weeks of pain had on my thinking, emotions, and well-being, I was pretty surprised.  I now feel optimistic, refreshed, and SO thankful that hurdle is behind me.  Although surgery is over and I'm on the mend, I'm not picking up exactly where I left off.  I believe it's confession time...

I haven't worked out since April 3rd, two days after my birthday.  I remember it clearly.  I went to Zumba class in pain and wondered what the heck I was thinking when I got there. I couldn't do the moves the way I normally would.  I was hurting and feeling sick and wanted to sneak out a back door after the second song.  I endured.  And I paid for it.  So three months of minimal activity plus an increase of food intake equals weight gain and a trip to Gap Outlet to buy two pairs of pants for work a size larger because my "bigger girl" pants fell victim to the great purge of 2013.  

Have I mentioned I don't like math problems?  

I've made a lot of mistakes these past few months... more than I want to admit to you or myself.  But these mistakes do not define me.

-The pain was out of my control.
-I made a lot of really poor choices when it came to eating during those three + months.
-I used the pain as an excuse to allow old, bad habits back into my life.
-Although I'm feeling better, I've continued to eat more than I should... and for any reason.
-Those poor decisions have caused many of my new clothes not to fit.
-I didn't fully rely on God to help me fight Satan's attacks in this aspect of my life.
-I haven't logged food in the LoseIt app for months and am out of the habit.
-Sometimes I wish this was easier and I could bypass the hard stuff.
-I have NOT messed up beyond repair.
-These mistakes do NOT define me.
-This is NOT the end.
-My dreams are NOT dead.

There.  My dirty laundry is out in the open.  I've talked it over with God and He's washed it clean.  You're aware of it, too, and I hope you don't give up on me!  The thing I've learned the hard way is that I won't be successful if I don't forgive myself and keep trying.

So here I am - once again - getting back up, dusting it off, forgiving myself, and moving forward.  I knew the journey to making my dreams come true wouldn't be an easy one, and I still believe, with all my heart, the end will be worth it!  So I press on with a smile on my face, hope in my heart, and faith in what God will do...

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