Friday, May 3, 2013

The Big Reveal!



I needed this reminder desperately today.

I've been so consumed with wanting to know what's causing my pain, why it takes so long to figure it out, "do I really have to see all these specialists"... and it's led me to a dark place.  It's a place I haven't been in a while and a place I don't want to return.  I say I've been placing it in God's hands and trusting Him, but being consumed with anxieties rather than consumed by God is proof I'm not trusting.

When you're in constant pain, it's normal to have a desire to understand why and fix it, right?  It's safe to say that's a given.  But today it became clear to me that I'm not trusting the way I should, my focus is on the wrong things, and my patience needs a lot of work!


God gave me a clear picture of the source of my frustration.  I've been making so much progress towards my dreams for 15 months or more... and it came to a screeching halt when the pain started again.  

  • I became a Zumba instructor the week before the pain returned... and I haven't worked out at since April 2.  That's frustrating.  
  • I'm pursuing a big, exciting, life-changing dream, but will this pain affect or delay it?  
  • All my new clothes that fit well a few weeks ago are now getting tighter as my stomach swells... and I donated all my "big girl" clothes to charity.  
  • I really want to make updates and improvement to our house but my body can't handle doing the amount of work I want to do.
  • I keep having to cancel praise team practice on Thursdays because I'm in too much pain to handle driving 40 miles each way, then sit for two hours to sing and learn new songs.  
I'm not pointing these out to dwell on the negative, but they all have one main thing in common; I'm being slowed down.  

I just realized I've made it a habit to move forward, make progress, and turn dreams into reality!  I'm not just dreaming without acting... I'm DOIN' WORK!  BOY HOWDY, Y'ALL!!!   

That's so exciting to me!   

My heart rate, blood pressure, mental state, and outlook changed the moment God revealed this to me.  I'm calm.  I feel patient.  I'm focused on the right things.  I'm trusting.  I'm blessed.  And I'm thankful.

"Thank you, Lord, for helping me through this!"


2 comments:

  1. I have Lupus so I know how you are feeling about pain. When I first found out I had Lupus, I had been in pain for about six months.

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    1. I hear Lupus is really painful and difficult to deal with. I'm so sorry you have to go through that, Crystal. Looks like we're in this together, huh? :)

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