In our Dare to Dream session today, someone gave me a piece of paper with an illustration of a 'Choice Map'; a supplement from a book called 'Change Your Questions, Change Your Life' by Marilee Adams. The tag line is "We choose moment by moment."
Take a look at the choice map illustration (by clicking the 'Choice Map' link above) and continue reading.
"Imagine it's you who's standing at the crossroads on the left side of the Choice Map. Something has just happened. Now you have to solve a problem or make a decision. Maybe it's related to an important goal in some area in your life. Perhaps it's your business or career. Maybe it's in a relationship with family, friends, or colleagues. It's about your health, finances, or plans for the future.
Do this experiment while you think about that situation. First, ask yourself Judger questions (see below) and notice how they affect your mood and confidence. Now, breathe, switch, and instead ask yourself Learner questions (see below). What was it like the second time? What about your mood and confidence? What solutions and possibilities can you see now?
You really can change your questions and change your life. When you find yourself in Judger and want to be in Learner, ask yourself Switching questions and "reset" to Learner, including: Am I in Judger? Is this how I want to feel? Where would I rather be? and How else can I think about this?"
Judger Questions include:
- What's wrong with me?
- Whose fault is it?
- Why are they so stupid?
- How can I prove that I'm right?
- Haven't we been there, done that?
- Why bother?
- A mood of pessimism, stress, and limitation
- A mindset that's judgemental, reactive, inflexible
- Relating with "attack or defensive" behaviors
Learner Questions include:
- What do I want?
- What works?
- What are the facts and what can I learn?
- What are my choices?
- What action steps make sense?
- What's possible?
- A mood of optimism, hope, and possibilities
- A mindset that's thoughtful, understanding, flexible
- Relating that is connected and collaborative
*We all ask both kinds of questions and we have the capacity to choose which ones to ask - moment by moment by moment.
This applies to every part of our life's journey.
How would your life change if you began asking more Learner questions and eliminating Judger questions? Would you see more dreams coming true? Would you improve relationships? Would you feel hopeful about the future?