Monday, November 12, 2012

Know Your Worth

Have you ever heard a negative comment that stuck with you for a long time?  Did it change the way you viewed yourself?  Do you still struggle with it today?

I have.  And I struggle at age 34 with one in particular.

During high school my friend Dana and I thought it would be funny to prank call this boy we knew.  We blocked our number and called him, pretending to be a girl he met (but never really met) at the mall.  He was caught off guard at first but then went along with it, pretending to remember the encounter and engaged in the conversation.  We thought it was really funny and I could barely stay in character!

The conversation led to this made-up girl "coincidentally" knowing two girls he knew; Chrissy and Dana!  Now that's odd!  At first he acted like he had a difficult time remembering who I was.  Then, he said "Oh, yeah.  She's blonde and has a big nose, right?"  

I couldn't believe he said that!  

Defensive, I hastily replied "EWW!  She does NOT have a big nose!!!  She is awesome and beautiful... how could you ever think that?"  Taken aback, he replied "Sorry!  I know who she is."  

Our little prank suddenly back-fired on me.

After that comment, I changed the way I looked at myself.  Before that day I never saw my nose as big.  But after hearing one person's unfiltered opinion about me, I instantly hated my nose.  I came to realize I had my paternal family nose, or "The Gurney Nose", as it's come to be known.  

 Chrissy & Dana (1995)
* Carefully thought-out pose, as to not make my nose look any larger *

 Chrissy & Penny, 1996
* Last day of high school, forgetting about angles, and just capturing memories.  I hated how my nose looked in this picture once it was developedThis was b
ack in the days of 35mm cameras, one hour photo, and cell phones attached to bags! *

  Me, Summer 2012
* 18 pound lost yet I felt like it made my "big nose" more predominate.  I'm starting to like this picture more and I'm being less critical about how my nose looks in it! *

Having "The Gurney Nose" isn't a bad thing.  My nose really isn't that big at all.  But that teenage boy's voice inside my head to this day makes me want rhinoplasty on occasion, especially from the wrong angle in a picture.  I've even come to "perfect" the art of proper self-portrait angles because of it.  I joke about "The Gurney Nose" with my family to try and deflect how I really feel inside, but it only adds to the insecurity and inferiority


Those two words are back.   


Are you beginning to see how sneaky Satan uses the two to rob our happiness and steal our joy?  He's a crook!  To change the way you feel about yourself when someone has wounded your heart takes a lot of effort and patience.  It takes time, persistence and, just like weight loss or any other dream journey, you're going to struggle along the way.

I've started asking God to help me see myself the way He sees me... through His eyes!  I've asked Him to help me be aware when I start to say or think negative thoughts about my nose.  I have some really good days and some really bad ones.  This journey isn't easy, but it's worth it!  The bottom line; I'm sick of believing the lies Satan tells me.   

My nose is part of who I am!  It's from my family and I'm proud of that!  God created me in His image and He DOESN'T make mistakes!  

Who's eyes are you looking through when you see yourself?

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