Friday, October 19, 2012

The Moment I've Been Dreading

This day had to come.  It was inevitable.  

I had to get on the scale again after three months.  

My heart knew the number wouldn't be what I wanted to see.  I expected to feel sick inside when I saw what it said.  I thought I'd feel ashamed to share it with you.  It isn't good.

Or is it?

I started this journey on December 28, 2011 at 218 pounds (but I see 220 in my mind as that was my heaviest weight).

My previous weigh-in (around three months ago) showed 198 pounds.  

Now, we all know I'm not good with numbers, right?    :) 

So I stepped on the scale this morning and thought I'd gained all but 2 pounds back.  I was pretty shocked because I knew I'd gained weight, but didn't think it was THAT much!  I was getting back into some old pants but they were still pretty big.  I was bummed, but not sick inside like I anticipated. I shared this with my husband and he was super encouraging and supportive.  Later in the morning I shared it with my mom and she, too, was supportive.

I knew I had to go through this valley to learn lessons, to experience adversity, to work on remaining strong, to practice keeping my head above water, and to prove you can get through a REALLY DIFFICULT JOURNEY and stay focused on your dream no matter what.

So I began writing this post, still seeing that number on the scale.  Something just seemed strange about it.  I kept wondering how it could be possible for me to have gained 18 pounds back in 2 months.  I looked at my Stats page and realized that I was so off...  


In my head I always see 220 as my original starting point.  But this morning my mathematically-challenged brain changed 220 to 210... and when the scale showed 208 I interpreted it as 218 (yes, I know - it's jacked up... *I do not like math*).


Instead of gaining 18 pounds I only gained 10 pounds (going from 198 to 208)!  This made me feel so much better inside... and the mountain suddenly doesn't seem as steep.  I'm proud of staying focused on my dream, even when I was bad and did things that delayed it.  I tried hard to stay positive and I didn't give up.  I trusted God... and He blessed me!

Just remember...


  1. I'm proud of you. you've been on quite a journey this year. Now you've surfed through a great deal of crap and have managed to get focused again. You can do this. i'll hold your other hand if you need me!

    1. THANK YOU, E!!!!! That's so sweet... I'll certainly need your hand! You're right, this has been quite a journey. I believe I'll see my dream come true - I BELIEVE IT!!!